I believed in all of it.

I hear screams of pain. Then light: I'm out! It was crowded in there....there was another with me...brother! I have a brother; where is he? I feel myself being held against something warm. I know this warmth...Mother...I love her; I don’t know why I just do. I stretch my wings and body. I open my reddish brown eyes to look at her. I recall her hair of flame-red curls, and then I sleep. I dream of images...from Mother, from herself; I sleep in a safe, warm, and loving slumber. I knew not of the horror outside this sleep that my Mother fought diligently to protect me from. I was born purely innocent, oblivious to the chaos that was inside me, whereas my brother was fully aware of the chaos within him. He had already shifted into his full adult form and adamantly showing his sadistic side of lust, pain, pleasure, and hate. No one could withstand his lustful desires, and when his hungry eyes turned upon my infant form…

I heard his whispers, whispers that only twins shared and could hear. Mother didn’t know of his pleas with me to change. I honestly did not understand: change to what? What was my purpose? Who were we to serve? Who were we to conquer? What were we mean to be?

I awake to heavy panting and feel a familiar heartbeat racing, pumping fast. Mother? We are running, I still don't sense brother, it’s just her and I. Where’s brother? “Shh child, please. He is lost to us.”

Brother lost?! I feel fear from Mother as we stop. She rests against a tree and I hear her heartbeat grow slower. I fall asleep to it's declining beat. Please, Mother, don’t die, and I drift off into sleep. I awaken to voices. I open my eyes to see slightly dark forms around me, then fall back into slumber. Voices again start to bring me back.

“You think she’s alright? All she’s done is slept.”

“Yes she is fine, now bring her to our Lord.

I feel warmth on my face and I open eyes to see a face illuminated with a bright white glow. A warm smile crosses its features.

“Hello, I am your Father.”

“Father? What about Brother? Do you know where he is?”

“I am sorry I do not , but you are my daughter and I love you very much.” I liked him, something in me complied to him, I accepted he was my Father. What I did not know was in that single sentence Father locked away all my memories. The truth behind my birth, what I was bred and raised to be. To kill, to breed more like myself with this primordial chaos inside me. To create an army that would rival against the heavens' Angelic elite. As a side note reader: yes, call it a fluke of curious Angels trying to mimic humans, or the plan of the Divine, but Angels can and do have offspring. How do I explain myself , my memories so vivid, if it were not true? But back to me now, shall we? All of this knowledge was sealed away inside me, kept from me. In hopes that it does not ever get awakened.

I grew fast and Father lavished me with love and gifts. My favorites were hair combs and flowers to adorn my long wavy dark hair. I always begged Father for new ones looking up at him with my adoring reddish brown eyes, and just adjusting my voice in my sweet innocent way, knowing it would make Father’s heart melt. I was happy being a child, just the age of 5. I got to wear the loveliest of dresses and, being a child, I was always scooped up in everyone’s adoring arms. I was assigned a Chamber but always used to sneak back into Father's and see him by his desk working. He would look back sternly, and I’d pout my lip. He'd rise and scoop me up, cuddle me in his warmth till I fell asleep. I had a charm, a beauty about me that could make you fall in love with me with no effort, and I'd get my way with no problem. A dangerous mix, actually.

Soon my studies started in: learning etiquette, how to be a proper lady and what would be expected from me. I obey without thought: he was Father. But no matter how much Father loved and lavished on me and protected me, he could not protect me from myself, and the silent battle that went on inside me. I heard the hushed tones and whispers of others too as I walked down the marbled halls with Father.

What did this mean? What was this feeling inside of me? Why would I hurt anyone? I didn't let on but it haunted my soul.

I was introduced to his assistants as this time as well. Father made sure I was dressed in my most presentable silk dress of white and pink ribbon. The colors I wore were mostly of shades of pinks and reds. This was to show of which I belonged to. We walked down the grand marbled halls, blue sky beckoning me behind each large pillar. They were all lined up as we approached. I met Uriel first. He knelt his tall form down to my level, smiling with his hair of ebony silk and eyes of pale watering brown and amber that shone brightly. He said it's a pleasure to have a young one running around the tower again. To which Father boomed: “There will be no running!” Next one I met was Raphael, who was to be my teacher; I was to become a healer like him. Raphael knelt down to me as well and smiled with ambient joy in his eyes of aquamarine sparkling against his fair skin and pale colored hair.

“Hello Princess. Aren’t you sweetly beautiful. Father’s definitely going to have to keep an eye on you.” Uriel elbows Raphael in the head. “Ow! What?” Raphael said looking up at Uriel and I giggled. Last was Michael and he was breathtaking to me: his long wavy hair of dark brown with eyes of blue and gold. I felt such energy and yearning from him. He bowed to me.

“It is a pleasure little miss.” He then looked up at me and smiled, his eyes flickering golden. “Yes you are beautiful.” He said in my mind: his lips didn't move! “We’ll have fun don’t worry,” and he stroked my cheek with his finger. Father broke the entrancement with saying there was Gabriel who was away at the time and I would meet him soon. We went back to Father's chambers and had lunch(though I don’t remember him eating as such), and we continued our day. I did meet Gabriel out in gardens. I remember the gardens, lush with green in all of its many forms: from grass to trees to moss peat and red berries grew on the bushes.(While things seemed to have a human-like appearance in heaven and in how I lived, it was all catered to the Angelic beings that we were, born Angels included.) Uriel was with Gabriel; they looked like tall statues of night and day standing there. Uriel in his black, flowing robes and Gabriel in robes of white and grey. When we made our entrance I felt a strong energy from Gabriel. It was cold though, not sweet and seducing like Michael. Gabriel felt intimidating to me; I don’t think he liked me. It was like it pained him to even look at me with his dark emerald eyes that seemed to bore in my soul. His long dark blonde locks were pulled away and tied up. I know now why, but that is someone else’s story. Father left me in Uriel's care as he had some business to discuss with Gabriel. Father also said to enjoy, for teaching began the next day.

“Come, little one, would you like to hear a story?” I didn’t hear Uriel, my gaze was fixed on Father and Gabriel leaving. I then turned and looked at Uriel who knelt down to me. Tears welled in my eyes and I started to cry. Uriel took me in his arms. “My, my what is wrong,” he asked calmly.

“Father! I want Father!”

“Your Father is an important man and sometimes he can not take you everywhere. And my has our Lord spoiled you!’

“Huh?” I said, looking at him as I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. “Would you like to hear a story,” he asks again with a smile. I nodded, having heard him this time. He sat down in the plush grass underneath a shady tree. He took my hand and pulled me onto his lap as I draped my small arms around his neck. He told me of Father's creations and of this earth filled with life that Father created. Everything that was down there was touched with Father's love. In thanks for this life the people that lived there loved and worshiped Father, came to him for guidance. “But there will be a war and humanity will pay the price; Earth is the perfect battle ground.” A spark and attraction sparkled in my eye. I noticed Uriel looking at me curiously. I frowned a bit.

“What’s wrong?”

He smiles. “Do you know your eyes just turned full red when I spoke of war and a battle ground.” I pout.

“I don’t know I can’t see them.” A hearty laugh came from his chest, and he embraced me tightly.

“You can handle it alright,” I hear Uriel say in my ear. Then I see a flash of swords clashing, broken wings, blood, Angels fighting against Angels. Why would they fight each other? Why do I want to so much join this slaughter? I hear my name called; Father had returned for me. I got up, leaving Uriel’s kind embrace to run to him.

“Father!”

“Oh you missed me so much, was Uriel that bad?

“No,” I said, looking up at Father's adoring face. I turned to Uriel. “Thank you, Uriel, I enjoyed my time with you.” I bowed to him.

“It’s been my pleasure dear.” He bowed in return, then left.

“Very nice.” Father said as he pat my head. I looked up at him and smiled proudly. I didn't remember what I had just seen in Uriel’s arms.

I got to accompany Father on his duties again; we walked the large marbled halls and archways, pausing when we reached some stairs. I’d never been down those stairs before. I was a little hesitant because Father said I wasn't to venture anywhere from our upper level. “It is okay,” Father said, giving my hand a squeeze. “As long as I am with you.” I took a gulp as we walked down the foreboding spiral stair case; to my surprise it was not as I thought it would be. We reached the bottom, continuing our walk down the grey stone corridor till we came to the opening of the Guards area. The grounds spilled out like a forest’s arena in my mind. They were all dressed in the same attire: white robes that were tied with red silk sashes, though some were just dressed in just a sarong they wore underneath their robes. Their weapons were poised; they were sparing with each other. Their wings glowed white and gold as they took their friendly fight up to the skies.

“This is where my guards train and their chambers lie on this level as well.” Father's words bring me out of my awe-struck state. “They are to help protect us, and they make my orders happen,” He goes on to say. We walked out on to the grounds as three of his guards approach us. They are dressed differently, clothed in fine, black, high-collared linen tunics trimmed in gold at the collar, down the front, and on the wrists. The look is completed by belted leather with gold buckles. I took that they were more important than the other guards, and soon discovered they were Father's Elite. They approached us and bowed; Father had my hand but I let go and hid behind his robes. Two of those bowed before us, the blonde one and the copper-haired one, knelt down on one knee. The dark hair one remained standing but bowed.

“This is my newest,” Father began.

“A little attached my Lord,” The blonde one asked, looking up.

“Yes indeed and I of her,” Father chuckled, “please report.” The blonde and copper-haired ones remained kneeling, their heads bowed, as the dark-haired one still standing and bowed then looked up. He had the bluest eyes.

“Your orders have been fulfilled,” he said.

“Thank you,” Father said. “We can discuss later, Pio, when a certain lady is not present.” I looked up at Father; he looked down, giving me a reassuring smile. The dark-haired one Father called Pio came up to me and knelt down to my level. “I’m Pio, nice to meet you.” He smiled and I looked at him, wide-eyed, wondering that he actually spoke to me sincerely; there was no pity, fear or hatred of any kind from him. I heard Father clear his throat and I let go of his robes to curtsy.

“Such a proper Princess.” He chuckles, so I kicked him, shouting, “I am NOT!” I felt Father's hand come crashing down on my shoulders. My eyes grew wide as I gasped.

“It’s okay.” Pio said rubbing his knee, a slight grimace on his face.

“Yeah, Pio has that effect on the females,” said the copper-haired one, smirking, his curly hair shining. Pio glared back at him.

“Shut up!” Without thinking I threw myself into his arms, wrapping my own around him. I felt him stiffen a bit; I knew I surprised both him and myself.

“I’m Sorry!” I felt tears start to come and buried my face into his neck to hold them off, but I think he felt the wetness of a tear drop escape on his neck. He unwrapped my arms from him, but didn’t let go of my hands and held them to his heart.

“It's okay my lady.” He had such warmth coming from him and it calmed me. He then kissed my hands saying, “You’ll be hard to forget.” He smiled. I did find him rather handsome with his skin so flawless, his deep blue eyes, and dark hair complimented him well. I felt Father's hand on my shoulder again, softer this time.

“We should take our leave now. Thank you all,” He said, nodding to them. We turned and walked towards our level.

“He was nice, Father.”

“Then why did you kick him, my daughter?” (I felt the tenseness in his voice.)

“I don’t know, something came over me...and Raphael calls me Princess.”

“You need to control those outbursts. A daughter of mine will not act out in such violence.” A darkness clouded over me, my vision blurred to a gaseous space of dark purple and blue hues mixed with blackness. It beckoned to me…

“I think I’d like to kill though, Father... Blood does seem tasty.” I heard myself speaking, I felt my lips curl into a sultry grin. “Think you can win?” Father grabbed my shoulders, shaking me, saying my name.(Oh yes, dear reader, I can not divulge my name here. Some things must be kept sacred, but I am sure you will still come to love me nonetheless.) I came back to myself and looked up at Father's worried face. “Huh? Did I do something wrong Father?” He pulled me tight to him.

“Nothing I just love you my daughter...my sweet child.”

The next day Father took me to Raphael’s chambers; they were on the same level as ours, and my lessons as a healer began there. I was told to sit on his bed so I walked over and climbed up on his plush bed of white linens and brass head board. I sat and waited, looking around the room. It was decorated in a dark hue of green and golds. A large shelf stood across from the foot of his bed, filled with healing herbs and items I assumed. Raphael walked in from his terrace and presented before me a plant that was withering, dying. My first thought was to put it out of its misery and crush it, but NO! Why do these dark moments creep on me? I focused on reaching out to the plant with my mind, my heart. I felt it. Its feelings, its heart, its pain. “Its hurting Raphael,” I said.

“Yes, and with our talent we can make it better.” He healed the plant to bright beauty before my eyes.

“I can do this,” I asked wide-eyed.

“Yes, it is in you, we just need to switch it around.”

“Switch?”

“Shh.” He put a finger to his lips and knelt down to me, laying a hand on my shoulder. He closed his eyes. When he then opened them he poked me in the forehead. “Boo.” I fell back on the bed.

“Ugh!”

“See!” He smiled. “Just needed to refocus the energies.” I scowled at him, sitting back up.

“I do not understand.” I didn't understand that at that point that I had been readjusted and put on of the path of a healer. Raphael then rose and brought out another sick plant.

“Now you try.” I paused a bit, then closed my eyes. I instantly picked up on the plant; I could feel it… it was thirsty...hurting. That plant wasn't just a plant, it was alive, it had a soul, I heard it talk to me. Something clicked in me; I opened my eyes and I reached out, touching the plant. A warm glow formed between me and the plant bloomed to perfection again. It was healed and the warm glow faded. I blinked, unsure of what I'd just done. I heard Raphael chuckle as he started to leave with the plant.

“Can I have it,” I asked. “I’ll take care of it.”

“You may.” Raphael smiled down at me and I smiled back brightly, very pleased, for I could tell I had pleased Raphael in my first lesson very much. After that, I had lessons with Raphael everyday and my evenings were spent with Father, dining together and me showing him what I had learned that day. I learned fast and liked that I could make things better, ease their pain. Father was proud of me, which made me even happier.

Time passed and I was now 12, though my appearance remained the same. I wore my long, dark-colored waves pulled up partly with lovely silver hair combs that I insisted on wearing everyday. I also began to insist on wearing medium length dresses, despite Father's wish that I wear a gown down to the floor. I still continued my training as a healer, but Father decided to teach me now as well: apparently after kicking one of his guards he felt he hadn't instilled in me enough how to be a proper lady. Father introduced me to music and I took liking to the piano; He had me play for him all the time, and I think he enjoyed it. I did as well; it seemed to tame my soul sometimes. As did singing. Both were often enjoyed by many as I practiced, my song and playing filled the halls with music.

However, I was haunted by Uriel’s story and I yearned to know more about this place Father had created. Father had left me once again in Raphael’s care for the day's lesson and we headed out to the gardens for class. We walked down the halls, and Raphael was talking, but I wasn't paying attention: I thought he talked too much and just liked to hear the sound of his own voice. I decided to ditch him and find Uriel, who happened to be in the library. My remembrance of Uriel was always fond, he truly cared and not just because I was his Lord's daughter. He’d often take me under his care and tell me such enchanting stories; I didn't know but he was, in fact, teaching me things an angel should know. I sometimes feel that he told me secrets that even I still don’t know till this day but will be remembered when I need them.

I entered through large wood and metal doors and found myself in the grand library of knowledge, a place just as intimidating in appearance on the outside as it was inside. Cases upon cases of books towered high above me and the windows were darkened by sheer, dark blue drapery that gave the library dark and ominous feel. All of the furniture was of dark mahogany wood etched in gold; small golden lamps sat on each table, illuminating the room in a dark glow. I saw Uriel hunched under one of these small lamps at one of the larger tables writing in a very big book. He sensed me and looked up very surprised.

“My Lady,” he exclaimed as he rose.

“I want to see Father’s creation! This Earth,” I pleaded, taking a step forward and bowing.

“You do not need to concern yourself with that, plus its not allowed. Not just anyone can-”

“Uriel,” I whined loudly as I stood back up.

“Does your Father know about this visit?”

“No.” I bowed my head in defeat. “I was with Raphael for my lesson.”

“Let’s go then.” Uriel escorted me back to Raphael, beside himself with worry and searching the gardens; seeing us enter he rushed over.

“Princess!” Why did you run off like that? Your Father would have my head if something-”

“What do you care,” I shout, cutting him off. I turned away to bury my face in Uriel’s robes.

“Oh, my dear, you think I not care for you, only that you are your Father's daughter?” He took my hand and pulled me away from Uriel. I turned to look at him as he knelt down to me and said, “I am sorry if I gave you that impression. You are dear to me as well.” He pulled me into his embrace and I could feel that he cared for me and my happiness. I felt tears well up in my eyes but I held them back. “How about we go to my chambers. I will make you some of my soothing tea and maybe I'll divulge my secret recipe.” He pulled away from our embrace, then winked as I nodded my head. We went to his chambers and I sat on his bed waiting. After a little while he came out with the tray of tea and set it on the end table near the head of his bed. He picked a cup up and handed it to me: the tea smelled good and I closed my eyes, just inhaling the aroma. “Soothing tea for the troubled soul,” Raphael said and I opened my eyes.

“Is my soul troubled Raphael?” I felt his aberrant joy fall a notch and he knelt down in front of me.

“So serious,” he said, lightly caressing my face, “and sometimes yes, it is, my dear, and I am sorry for that.”

“No need to be sorry,” I said, holding Raphael's hand to my face. But then he pulls his hand away I get a glimmer of a feeling: I remind him of someone. He stood up again.

“Let’s learn now and shake this gloomy mood, shall we? If your Father asks what you learned today what will we say?”

“Can you help me with something? I want to make a gift for someone.” I look down at my untouched drink. “I kicked one of Fathers Elite Guards and I want to say sorry...he was nice to me.”

“So I heard,” Raphael replies, taking my cup from me and putting it back on the tray. “I have just the thing.” He picked up the tray and took it away, then came back into the room to kneel in front of me again. “Take a stone and put a little of your healing essence into it. He can heal minor scrapes and bruises like the one you gave him and probably still has,” he said smiling.

“Raphael,” I pouted.

“Joking,” he soothed, patting my head. “Let’s go find you a stone!”

Raphael took me deep into the gardens; eventually we came to a clearing with a small pond set into the middle. There were many multi-colored stones resting below the sparkling and clear waters and I sank to my knees at its edge, immersing my hands in the water to find my perfect stone. My heart thumped loudly for a moment. I looked up and into the distance of the deeper, darker section of the garden beyond. It seemed to be blockaded by twisted, intertwined vines…. I look backed down in the clear water and picked the stone I desired automatically, as if my body knew but my mind did not. I stood and turned back to Raphael, smiling jubilantly over my pick, to see Raphael talking with someone I’d never seen. They were in deep discussion so I decided I needed to break it up.

“Raphael! I found my stone,” I exclaimed, running over and beaming up at him proudly. Raphael looked down at me smiling stroking the top of my head. I turned to the one he was talking to; I see him form a small, yet painful smile across his smooth, fair-skinned face. His hair was a pale blonde, almost white in the sunlight and his eyes sparkled a pale, light blue. He was dressed in the same tunic attire as I remembered Pio wearing.

“My lady.” He bowed slightly. I felt such a sadness in him to the point that it hurt me. I didn’t want him to hurt…it killed my heart so, to feel his pain. How I wanted to take it away. I felt something in him, something of the same as me. I looked down and curtsied.

We returned to Raphael’s chamber where he showed me how to extract some of my healing essence and put it in the stone. He decided to call it a day afterwards and escorted me back to Father's Chambers. We stopped just outside and I bowed, thanking Raphael. He pat my head then left. But I wasn’t ready to go into Father's Chambers: I wanted to deliver my gift. I took a deep breath and headed towards the stairs. I knew I wasn't supposed to but.... I arrived at the guards' level and started to head towards the training grounds. I spotted two guards talking in the corridor and I froze, ducking behind a stone pillar. I watched them for a moment and recognized the copper-haired one.

“So I say we have luck with the females, right? But our dear elite leader couldn’t even charm a 5 year old!” I gathered up my nerve and stepped out.

“Um ex-excuse me.” The copper haired one snapped his head back to look at me.

“And what do you know there she is, and she’s grown too.” He smirked, his eyes the same color as his hair sparkled and a crude smile crossed his lips. I clutched the stone I had put in a deep burgundy pouch against my chest. My eyes grew wide as I wondered at his intent. He grabbed the wrist I was holding my stone in, pulling me to him. “What do you have there?”

“No! You’re hurting me!” I pulled away and fell back against someone. I looked up to see it was Michael! His eyes fixed on my would be attackers.

“What do you think your doing touching her? ” Michael asked coolly. He looked down at me and smiled softly, He knelt down, putting his finger to my lips, “sh, little miss. You are safe now.” My vision started to blur as my head fell against his shoulder and my eyes closed, turning all to blackness around me. I heard Father’s concerned voice.

“Michael! Michael!”

“I found her my Lord!” I could feel Michael pick me up in his arms.

“My daughter! ” Father cried out. Then I heard another concerned voice.

“Is she okay?” That voice....

“She’ll be fine,” Michael said, “just a little too much excitement. Seems she did come all this way for you.” I felt a tinge of contempt in his voice, then he took the pouch from my hand.

“For me?” I hear the familiar voice ask.

“Ss…sorry Pio…,” I managed to mumble. I heard Father sigh my name as he stroked my hair before I lost consciousness completely. When I awaken, I'm in a bed with Father sitting beside me.

“Father?”

“This is your Chambers, since you think you’re so big you can roam the tower alone.” I cringe.

“Faaather,” I whined. I took a look around me; the room was lavishly decorated in pinks and golds; a white oak vanity resided to the right across from me, and to the left of it was a huge bay window. My wardrobe stood directly in front of me past the foot of my bed. The bed itself was nice too, soft and fluffy. Someone knocked on the door. “Seems you have a visitor already,” Father said as he rose to open the door. One of Father’s Elite guards was there, the blonde one and not Pio I realized, my heart sinking a bit…. He bowed to Father then walked over to my bed, bowing to me. “Pio thanks you for the gift. He wished he could have come by himself, but he had to do some work for your Father.”

“Th-thank you,” I said.

“Rest some more now, and enjoy your new room. Ask the guard outside if you need me. You are not to venture out anymore you understand,” Father said sternly when he came back over.

“Yes, Father.” Then I am left to myself as Father and the guard walk out of my room.

Later that night Father returned. We sat outside on his balcony, sipping some of Raphael's healing tea and looking up at the night filled with stars.

“Um, Father...can you tell me about Earth? The people? Will I ever get to go down there?” Father looked over at me in surprise.

“What put that idea in your head?”

“I heard stories...”

“You are still very young, do not get so head strong.” I dropped the subject and took a sip of my tea in silence. I didn't forget though: I had become an Angel obsessed with Earth and her people, staring down dreamily at their beauty not that unlike our own. So began my obsession with “down there.”